Landmark decision in Bladder v. Sleepy Brain: Eli To Stay In Bed

In a landmark decision, the courts have sided with sleepy brain, choosing for Eli to stay in bed rather than get up to go to the bathroom. The bladder’s closing arguments centered around discomfort and keeping Eli from getting any sleep. But it was already 5:45am and Eli’s alarm was set for 6:30am, argued sleepy brain. Plus “the Grammy in speech was clocking to the oompa loompas for walking in a line”, or so went sleepy brain’s closing argument. Sleepy brain took a strong stance against bladder’s “slippery slope, wet sheets” fear based argument, saying “We’re standing over a toilet right now. Just go.” Luckily the court overruled sleepy brain’s motion to relax the urinary sphincter.

It is likely that bladder’s camp will appeal this decision around 6:15am. If sleepy brain shows up for trial, higher courts are expected to overturn the decision. However, sleepy brain has said it has plans to “regather tigers from the poaching eggs toward the yokel music crazed lake. Then the ice breaks and we’re in the lake. That’s how come we’re all wet all of a sudden.”

After the big win, sleepy brain has crafted another masterful argument to keep Eli’s feet beneath the covers—so they are hidden from the monster in charge of cutting off the feet of children who are awake. All the while, sleepy brain is pleading with Eli’s babysitter to not give him away to the green lady with the pointy hat.  We can only speculate what precedent this decision sets for tomorrow night, if Eli has a glass of chocolate milk before bed.