HUMANITARIAN Shares The UNEXPECTED Way She Is What She Eats

The new face of healthy eating has arrived, and she’s living, breathing proof that you are what you eat! She’s not a vegetable, like vegetarians. She’s a human! And health food advocates are getting excited about this amazing humanitarian.

“I’ve been me for as long as I can remember, and I’ve always been a humanitarian too.” She said as she cracked open a femur to get to the soft flavorful marrow. “I like to stay in shape by frequenting my local gym. It’s a good place to eat healthy because gym nuts are low in fat, high in protein. Much healthier than religious nuts. More flavor than my mom, who’s also nuts.” Sounds like she cares a lot about who she puts into her body! She even tried eating strictly vegan for about 2 years, but she said, “they didn’t have the essential proteins and left me feeling pretty gassy.”

“On nights when I don’t feel like cooking myself, I’ll just find people on my bus ride home. Otherwise, hosting dinner parties is a nice way to get food delivered. But it’s really all about your personal preference. For me, hors d’oeuvres are great because I love finger food!”

Health food advocates aren’t the only ones who should celebrate. She also has an important message about positive thinking. “Growing up, my mom always used to say, ‘you are what you eat,’ and my dad always used to say, ‘be yourself’. I just put them together and began eating myself, and I ate my parents too.”

No positive thinking professionals were available for comment.

“I guess it all started when my mom was pregnant with me and my identical twin sister.” She explained, licking her lips. “I ate my sister in the womb, and that’s when I became me.” Hold on! Earlier she said she had been herself as long as she can remember. What gives? When we pointed that out to her, she just chuckled and nervously chewed on her fingers.