Oh No That Officer Started Driving Right After I Passed By

Geez I Must Have Been Speeding Or Maybe I Checked My Phone Hopefully I Just Have A Headlight Out Phew He Turned

Oh no that officer was waiting for someone to pass by and break some minor traffic rule and everyone else must have slowed down but I didn’t see him until it was too late to hit the brakes so it must have looked like I was pulling away from traffic. I’ll have to watch in my rearview mirror to see if he starts driving behind me. Yep. I knew it. He’s pulling out of his spot. Damnit. Maybe I mindlessly checked my phone as I was passing, and he saw it, and now he’s pulling me over for texting and driving or maybe this is one of those towns where you can be pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt or for eating a hot hoagie while driving even though how would the officer even be able to see that from the spot he chose to loiter on the shoulder of the road. But if he can’t see the seatbelt or my phone or my cheesy hot pastrami hoagie, which is occasionally dripping toasty mustard on my lap, I guess it’s possible that he sees the dead body wearing sunglasses in my back seat. But would he even know my former gym teacher is dead? Would he even know it’s my former gym teacher? Definitely not possible. If he doesn’t know it’s dead ol’ Walter the Whistle, as we used to call him half affectionately half mockingly when he would make us play a game he’d invented which was a combination of basketball and a hot hoagie eating contest, could the officer maybe know that I am high on bath salts and the road seems to me to be the chocolate river from Willy Wonka, and I am but a humble sailor yearning for a taste of the sweet cacao waterway below? But the waterway is proving a fickle mistress, as I whitewater raft atop 4 flat tires, which I’ve been driving on ever since I tried walking on nails, but with my car. If he knows that, then does he know that I stole my sailor uniform from a young man who dresses as a sailor for his job as a hoagie street corner sailor sign holder, and that my queasy cheesy bologna hoagie, or pastrami hoagie, I don’t remember anymore, but whichever it is, is also stolen from the same employee from whom I stole my sailor uniform even after I accidentally got him fired from his former job as a high school gym teacher? I was hoping to drive off into the sunset. Just me, dead ol’ Walter the Whistle, and my chocolate dipped hot pastrami hoagie, but now my dainty wrists are due for a cuffin’. This sucks. Oh phew, the officer turned. Never mind. I guess I had nothing to worry about!