Choosing a Gift Can Be Hard

Here are some tips…

1. Keep track of what the person may need by maintaining good records of the items you’ve stolen from them

2. Cater your gift to the specific occasion and to the recipient’s specific childhood traumas associated with that occasion

3. Consider a person’s allergies or intolerances when purchasing a gift, especially if your end goal is murder

4. Making a charitable donation in the recipient’s name may seem like a cop-out, and it is

5. Any gift is better than no gift, except chlamydia or a shitty homemade coupon book