Car Safety Features Designed To Protect Mental Health

-Auto Tension Seat Belts

Auto Tension Seat Belts monitor heart rate to sense when a driver is accidentally letting in all the bad thoughts. In response, these state-of-the-art seat belts increase belt tension to tenderly embrace the driver in a warm hug because everything is going to be okay.*

*Auto Tension Seat Belts do not guarantee that everything is going to be okay

-Dome Light Therapy Lamps

While all cars have ordinary interior dome lights, our sensational dome light therapy lamps are the only interior car lights tuned to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. Drivers can leave the lamp on during long lonesome winter night drives when the dangers of SAD become more pressing than the dangers of driving at night with the interior lights on.

-Direct Brake/GPS Communication System

This innovative integrating system uses direct communication between the vehicle’s GPS and its ABS brakes to protect drivers from taking spontaneous anxiety induced road trips across state lines or compulsively passing their former spouse’s new home.

-Dashboard Bobblehead Deluxe

Our patented dashboard bobblehead deluxe is designed to non-judgmentally listen as drivers vent about their hard day at work, unpleasant visit with their parents, or continuing divorce proceedings. The Dashboard Bobblehead Deluxe also includes a voice box equipped with phrases like, “how does that make you feel?” and “take a deep breath”.

-Respect-Based Lane-Assist Technology

Our ahead-of-its-time Respect-Based Lane Assist Technology qualifies its audible lane-departure warning by also mentioning that drivers are obviously allowed to depart from any lane that feels confining, suffocating, or simply no longer meets their needs.

-Sound System With 7-Second Delay

This ingenious accident prevention sound system maintains all media at a seven second delay, while scanning audio in real time to identify anything potentially triggering. If a hazard is identified, the system seamlessly transitions to audio of a Bob Ross instructional painting video.**

**In the case that Bob Ross is identified as potentially triggering, we are deeply sorry. Damn whoever hurt you.

-Option for Manual Drive

Nicknamed ‘the Flintstones option’, drivers can choose to enable the manual engine setting. When this setting is enabled, the car will be powered by an in-vehicle elliptical machine because exercise is an important component of mental health. This option is especially convenient for drivers who aren’t in a hurry.